Direction/Employment

I can happily say that I will soon be a full-time employee. I'm trying to show that I care about me by taking care of my physical body and emotional state. For the physical form I take a daily walk to warm the system and watch what I eat. Everything in moderation is my motto, I don't deny myself tasteful pleasures. For me that's a big part of enjoying life. Emotionally I write this blog to let out my musings as someone recently put, which seems appropriate for what I do here. Also I can plan my trips/travels now that I have funding for them. It's the other part of my pleasure orientated life. One thing I would like to add to help feel complete is helping others. I'd forgotten how much I needed that, my life feels empty without that action, I just need to find an outlet for it.

Fighting It

I have this urge to just quit, to just lay down and cry. It's all I want to do, but I'm fighting it for the reason that I'm afraid. I've been here before hell I'm in this emotional place frequently. It isn't consistent sometimes I can go months without feeling it and other times just a few short weeks before it hits again. Most people call IT depression. The only way I can describe it as a black hole. Energy, emotions, desires, and dreams are just sucked in and your left with nothing. I don't want to reach the point where I don't even ..... I just don't want to go there. So I fight the the urge to cry I feel like if I give in it's just a short slippery slope till I'm left with nothing once more. It is so hard to come back from that, I still struggle with it daily. Which is why I've decided to go to the beach soon, it calms and sooths. Just watching wave after wave come in puts my mind at ease and gives me the opportunity to climb back up without struggling so much.

WHY?

Why did I start this irregular blog that has no other purpose than somewhere to spill my rambling thoughts? I've considered a daily photo blog, a journal, following my journey of discovery of my calling or purpose as it may be, or mentioning my favorite places to eat. So far I've tried all of these at one time or another to see which is my preference. I have yet to truly decide, but it's a wonderful experience. I enjoy considering what I'll write about and knowing that it's out there in cyberspace once it's published. I enjoy the possibilities of something. :0)

Can not belive it

We are midway thru September! Time is only speeding up for me it seems. New Years, Martin Luther King Day, Valentines, Mardi Gras, St. Patricks Day, Easter, Mother's Day, Labor Day, Graduations, 4th of July, Memorial Day and countless birthday's have passed already. Had a job found a new one. Traveled seen more of the nation. Explored possibilities and realized some of them are futile. Lastly I've tried new things. That I'm happy I've explored even if sometimes things went wrong I know now.

Travel a way of life

I stumbled upon this blog: nomadderwhere.com. For the blogger traveling is a way of life, it's her passion and she knows it. She goes after it and I admire her greatly for it. As much as I LOVE to travel it doesn't compare. She inspires me to keep going for it, even though financially the situation sometimes seems like a hopeless dream.
I love it so much it's always shocking to me when I meet people who don't like, heck some of them hate it. It's the exploration of a new place that I've only dreamt of being in, so to realize it is truly a dream come true. It's the interesting interaction (a.k.a pantomime and wrecking of the language) I have with some of the people I bump into. It's when I push myself out of my comfort zone and love it because I tried something new. As much as I enjoy it though I like coming home to family and having a place of my own.

Words to describe my travels: awesome, amazing, awe-inspiring, awful, beautiful, breathtaking, formidable, frantic, horrible, impressive, mind-blowing, massive, nervous, moving, overwhelming, daunting, frightening, it's just plain incredible.

Wanting more

Recently my family's been asking more and more what are you doing? Why did I give up a well paying job, especially in this recession? All I can say is that I want more. How to explain this need for more, when I'm having a hard time defining what I mean by more. Over a year a ago I was set in my career and I was well on my way to saving up for a home. I even had a little extra that allowed me to indulge my love of travel. While everyone around me looked at my life and saw it as perfect, achieving the American Dream and all that, I kept thinking so what's next. The natural step would be get married and start a family, at least that would be for a normal person and that would be enough. For me though I couldn't get the thought of what's next out of my head. This couldn't be the end, it just couldn't if I'm lucky I still have several decades left ahead of me. So I felt that it was too soon to stop and settle into the family commitment. In my culture at my age I should be married, have my own home, and pregnant with my second or third child. To me the idea of it is abhorrent right now. And maybe what I mean is that I want more me time, I'm not ready to start on the next chapter just yet or anytime soon really.

Photo was taken at St. Peter's, Vatican City